As the first day of a new week, as well as the first day of a new month, today I am reflecting on the past couple of weeks since my PhD began, as well as the month as a whole.
To put it bluntly, the past month has been exhausting: I am physically and emotionally drained. September marked the end of a large and significant chapter in my life, as well as the beginning of an equally momentous one. In the space of just a couple of weeks, I packed up my life in York, where I’d been for half a decade, and moved to a new and unfamiliar city. I left behind friends and relationships, for somewhere I knew almost no one. I also finished a two-year Research Fellowship, saying goodbye to fond colleagues, handed in my 80-page Masters dissertation, the culmination of two years of work I’d completed part-time alongside my research job, moved house (twice), and started a PhD. Did I mention I am knackered…?
As anyone who has moved house/jobs/cities will well know, no matter how much planning and preparation you put in place in advance, there will always be things outside of your control that will inevitably go wrong. From an outsider’s perspective, some of these things may seem so small as to be trivial, such as not having your IT account set up in time for your first day or the furniture you ordered for your new flat going missing in transit, more than once… Yet, as these things slowly pile on top of one another, ever-increasing the number of things you have to worry about or deal with, they can begin to feel overwhelming. Unable to do much about many of these extraneous factors in the immediate term, this stress can then begin to put strains on your important relationships, as you instead vent your frustrations elsewhere; in particular, to close friends, family, or significant others. Finally, with your resilience strained to its absolute limit, you may find yourself being more impatient or short-tempered with these people than you otherwise would be; thus, creating fresh tensions between you. In turn, these tensions can then create more stress, as you may feel less able to emotionally depend on those whom usually support you; thus, leading to a vicious cycle. Ultimately, all of this can increase the likelihood of subsequent ‘burnout’, or the emergence of mental health issues, especially in those who have a history of poor mental health.
Given that many of us will experience stressful periods or changes at some point in our lives; albeit, not necessarily all at once, how can we best go about protecting ourselves and our wellbeing under such demanding circumstances? In my experience, one’s first priority should be simply to recognise the strain one is under, to appreciate that to feel tired and irritable is to have a perfectly normal reaction to the stress, and to understand that it is unlikely that these feelings will persist forever. It is important that we first acknowledge these things, as to fail to do so can lead us to blame ourselves for finding the scenario challenging, to feel weird or ashamed of our emotional reaction, or to mistakenly believe that things will not or cannot get better.
Once we have recognised the truth of these statements, our second priority should be to identify those things which are contributing to this stress, before taking proactive measures to try and mitigate, minimise or remove some or all of its causes. Of course, some of these things will not be subject to your control, such as when exactly your missing furniture will turn up, but you can still take steps to alleviate the anxiety that comes with this, such as contacting the company responsible for the delivery and rearranging or cancelling your order.
Alternatively, for those things truly outside of your influence, a helpful strategy for alleviating anxiety can be to try reframing those particular stressors in a more positive light: For example; telling oneself that, yes, it may be annoying that the furniture will not be arriving today, but it does mean that you instead have time to explore the local area and become more familiar with your surroundings. If action is not possible and reframing is not helpful, however, another useful trick for reducing stress can be to employ distraction techniques: This may involve solitary activities, such as listening to music or reading a book, but it can also be helpful to replace the stress with positive social activities, such as going to see a movie or getting a coffee with a friend. These activities will help remind you of the things you enjoy doing, and the positive relationships you have in your life; this is especially important if you are prone to what psychologists call ‘negative automatic thoughts’, or have low self-esteem. Bear in mind that distraction can take you away from important tasks that really do require you attention, however, and be careful not to procrastinate things which you do have control over but are causing you anxiety. This strategy is likely to lead to further stress in the long-run.
Of course, the maxims I have discussed above are all very easy to say, but can so often be much more difficult to do. Certainly, starting out on the stressful journey of PhD study, I am finding it difficult to remember all of these tips myself at times and often need to remind myself to take my own advice! However, no matter what you do when facing a stressful life period, I urge you to remember to be kind to yourself. Ask for help if you think you’re struggling, or simply talk to someone (anyone) about how you’re feeling. We all have our own personal challenges, and recognising your own and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Till next time,
MentalAcademic xo
Reclaiming Madness 